Cause & Effect

I had this dream Sunday night that I robbed a bank because I needed some cash and then as I was driving a way I noticed someone taping me with a video camera so I ran them over with my car. This was odd. Certainly the transition from corporate work to church work creates its financial challenges, but I hadn't seriously considered the potential of robbing a bank. I also don't feel that running someone down in my car would be a WWJD moment.

But this isn't the strangest part. In my dream I went to work the next day as if nothing happened and the police came and arrested me and I was shocked. But I wasn't shocked because they figured out it was me... I was shocked because what I had done was wrong. In the dream, I was confused that I had done something wrong. I knew I had robbed the bank and ran someone over, but for some reason I felt that was not wrong.

I pondered this throughout the day yesterday and wondered if the application for my life is around how many times I perhaps do something "wrong" and either don't even notice it or brush it off when, in fact, there are consequences. I wonder if the call I hadn't gotten around to making has more ramifications than I think. I wonder about gossip; I wonder about eating poorly; I wonder about all the things in my life that aren't what they should be and I wonder if in some way I'm getting "arrested" either physically, relationally, or spiritually because of them.

This sounds like a lot of pressure and perhaps its overstated, but it's caused me to re-think cause and effect a titch.

Management

I can tell when I'm too 'busy'... when I feel like I don't have the time or subject-matter to blog every day. I'm not putting myself it situations where something can happen.

However, today I want to record my thoughts on how it seems like so much of success or failure (by whatever definitions you wish to use) comes down to management. No matter how skilled, talented, etc, you are, if you can't manage that in a meaningful way, trust erodes and when trust erodes, character takes a hit and you lose respect. I'm seeing this in so many facets of my life from discussions with church staff, Thrivent colleagues, reading, talking with a church planter, experience with my MBA program, etc.

Perhaps it depends on how you define "management" and perhaps it just depends on each person's need for management. I place a high value on things being "run well" which means that I'm going to do things like write blogs about how important that is.... I concede that there may be people that don't have the same value on this attribute and therefore don't see it as key to anything. But, with that background, I can't think of anything that has been successful that has not involved quality management - that could be starting a new church, running a ministry, having a good devotional/prayer life, putting on a Christmas drama, having a strong family or marriage, personal budgeting, leading others, etc. I look at the Biblical examples of management including Jesus with his 3, 12, 70 plan and his Jerusalem/Judea/Samaria/Utter Ends plan. I think of Jethro helping Moses organize for effectiveness. I look at the detailed plans God provided and required management needed to build the ark (Noah), rebuild the walls (Nehemiah), or build the ark of the covenant (Levites). I look at the Apostle Paul and his plan to send out people to start churches, his voyages, his letters, his leadership development of others, etc and the management that took.

I believe that we are to live life as spirit-led believers, but I also believe that God is a God of order and not chaos. Management, however you define it, is important in carrying out the work that God has purposed each of us to do. A church-planter friend of mine calls it "chaordic" -- ordered chaos. Perhaps that is a better term...

Soccer = Mentor?

Well, I finally have a decent analogy to describe how mentoring can be effective. As many of you know, I am a huge believer in effective mentoring to help navigate the white waters and, for that matter, even the still waters of life, love, vocation, family, relationships, development, etc. When people ask me about my mentor and the value it adds to my life, I'm able to give a decent answer, but sometimes its hard to really put my finger on the value.

Last night I was playing soccer with my 3 kids. We played a round robin tournament where we played 3 games with each game being a different kid with me versus the other two. They each consider themselves pretty fancy soccer players but, at the end of the day, my team won all 3 matches. Even my 8 year-old daughter and I took down the 11-year old boys. They each have more endurance than my 37 years can handle; they are much quicker than my steel-plated & screwed legs can handle; they can at least challenge me in a foot race. However, they don't have the wisdom I bring and the ability to strategically break down a defense, appropriately position myself, know when to pass or shoot, know when to run at the person with the ball and when to stay back, etc.

This is what my mentors are to me. As I scurry around the soccer field getting worn out and not really being that effective or at least confused on the next step, they offer the voice of reason, wisdom, & strategy.... they are the coach that helps me understand when to just hold the ball and examing the defense, when to run with all my might and when to hold back, when it's the right time to shoot and the right time to pass off. But more than my coach, I find that my mentor becomes my teammate which joins me in the game and allows me to see first hand how the game can be more effectively played with patience, wisdom, and insight -- hear this clearly: It's no less passionate, but it's passion harnessed & focused toward effectiveness.

I wonder if this makes sense to anyone, but it seemed logical at the time! Perhaps I got hit in the head with the soccer ball too many times....

Hangin' with Mr. Cooper

Hang in there loyal readers... last week was a tough week for me on a lot of fronts (funerals, school, work, etc) and I feel like I've not had time to really enjoy life to the extent where interesting thoughts or observations fill my mind. I did do a blog entry on my weekly site, stevefredlundxp.blogspot.com if you are interested... otherwise I'm hoping for interesting things to write in the days ahead as we transition into a bit more sanity. Later...

Spurred

There were a lot of similarities with the two funerals in three days that were just finished. Both people died from cancer. Both families had time to grieve before death actually occurred. Both had incredibly close relationships with family & friends. And both lived the kind of life that makes me want to be a better man.

Dan Crocker's life and legacy spur me on to be generous with my time, to give freely, to love deeply, and to live life without regret.

Adina Schminkey's life and legacy spur me on to be courageous, to live life large and to not be identified by what has happened to me, but by who my true identity is.

Dan and Adina have both challenged me to be a better man. They both lived lives that inspire me and others. They both have spurred me on to love and good deeds. When my earthly time comes to an end, I would be honored to have such a legacy of either of these two heroes.

Death

This week I will be attending two funerals... both a result of cancer. First, on Tuesday, the father of a close friend & co-worker, who succumbed after about a year battling bone cancer. Second, on Thursday, a friend who we used to attend church with who had been battling cancer for about 5 years. In each case, they are way too young for us to make any sense of it. I think Dan is early 60s and Adina is early 30s.

I won't get into a deep theological discussion on death. What I will say, however, is that we don't know what the day is going to hold. Some days, weeks, months, and even years are going to be tougher than others - this is a tough emotional week.

Interestingly, during our book discussion group last week, we chatted about how we could approach empathizing with someone when we have not gone through their situation. What do we provide, when we don't truly understand what someone is going through. I've been through a decent amount in my life, but I've never had to bury a parent, a sister, or a child. We have been learning that we build relationships through connecting and that connecting happens through putting yourself into the other person's reality (subject to boundaries). The question becomes, "how can I enter their reality when their reality is something I haven't experienced and is tough for me to imagine?"

Character

Whoa, I've been surrounded by discussions about character. I've talked about our discussion of the Henry Cloud book on "Integrity" which is about integrity of character. Tonight I was reading a copy of BGC World and there was a discussion on character that also talked about the meaning of the word integrity in the context of character.

However, it was a humerous (to me) comment about character that got me blogging about this tonight. I was watching part of the Gopher football game yesterday and found myself both amused and frustrated. As it turns out, now that there are about 8,000,000 football games on in a given weekend, the quality of the announcers drops... especially when the game involves teams with a grand total of 1 big ten win between them. Anyway, the Gophers scored a touchdown on what was really a great catch. In describing the replay, the announcer said, and I quote, "Character is what you are when no one is watching and Jones showed character on that catch."

I was a bit confused because he must have forgotten there were people in the stadium and also that he was broadcasting to a TV audience -- now, admittedly, I may have been the only one watching a Minnesota / Northwestern football game, but still.... there were more people watching than "no one." I also find it funny that someone's athletic ability implies that they have character (I think there have been one or two examples where the two are not necessarily related).

I realize that I'm tired when things like this seem as funny as this one does to me... perhaps it is my warped sense of humor. I was sitting in my recliner, working on my laptop, all by myself, and I literally said, outloud, "Did he really say that?".

"Character is what you are when no one is watching and Jones showed character on that catch."

HIV/AIDS

Today I will be participating in the Transforming Church Initiative presented by the Bethel University seminary. For the past couple of years I have had a pull to get into the global battle against HIV/AIDS. We have done some things personally, but how does a 3-year old church with limited resources get into the battle? I am excited & nervous about attending this all-day seminar.

I'm excited about making connections with others of the same heart and learning about possibilities for the New Hope Community Church family to take its place in the battle.

I'm nervous that I'm going to leave there with the same Holy discontent I have felt before around this issue. That I won't be able to eat or sleep or whatever knowing that people are dying in the world and we are not in the battle to save them.

I know in my head that each person and organization is called to fulfill a specific purpose which is not to participate in every "cause." Could it be, however, that there are some "causes" that every person, church, business, and community are required to get involved in?

I'm sure it will be a day of high emotion; it would be easier to close my eyes and not look. I believe, however, that God is calling me to open my eyes wide and take a deep look - a look that not only raises awareness, but causes action - and not only action, but action that has impact. I don't want to be in the battle to say, "Look, I'm in the battle"... I want to be in the battle to make an impact toward victory.

It will be a good day. I'll be going right from there to play Texas Hold 'em with college buddies... it will be an interesting transition I do believe.

Connections

Do you ever feel like you share in people's experiences? Lately I've felt like I share a lot more in the experiences of friend's experiences more than I ever have. There are situations going on right now with different friends including the deteriorating health of a parent, three different adoption situations, and the stepping out to take a new job in a new city. In each of these cases, I talk to them and just feel the emotion on more than just an, "Oh, I'm sorry" or "How exciting" type of basis. I feel I am sad with them and rejoicing with them. I realize there needs to be boundaries in recognizing that their experience is not my experience, but I love the fact that the connections are there to the point that I am sharing with them - that we are doing life together.

I refer to community a lot in my blogs and daily conversations, but I think this is what true community is... doing life together to the point where one person's experiences, good or bad, are felt (not just recognized) by others.

"Old" age

I'm really starting to feel old. I don't feel physically old, but there are other signs that have really appeared.

For the past 3-4 years, I have been started being called "sir" a lot. It really drove me nuts at first but now I'm getting used to it. Those who know me are aware that I'm not worthy of a "sir" greeting, but there must be something about me that is triggering that greeting from others (could it be gray hairs?).

Yesterday I visited a friend in the hospital who had a knee replacement and I have another friend who is having one replaced today. Interestingly, my step-Dad just had both replaced over the past year. Does it mean something that people I consider friends are having knees replaced?

I hang around (and pursue relationships with) older people; I love to listen to them talk, hear their wisdom, etc. Part of this is the jobs I have and have had, but part of this is I think I'm drawn to them because I, too, am getting old.

I think it is funny to try to be "hip." If I really were hip, it wouldn't be funny and I wouldn't have to try. The fact that I have to try and I find it funny (as do my other old friends) tells me that I am old. I wonder what truly hip people think of my attempts.... probably, "what a funny old man!"

This all came to a head on Sunday when someone came up to my friend (SN) and I looking for prayer for something they were going through in their life. This person turned to my friend, who is exactly the same age, and said, "No offense, but I'd rather talk to someone older" and then turned to me. Up until this point I thought everyone my age had become "old" but I was forced to draw the conclusion that I appear to be aging faster than others -- or is SN just aging slower?

I think appearing older than I am has it's advantages. My concern is that if people think I'm 45-50 when I'm 37, how old will they think I am when I am 50. Perhaps I will be able to get seniors discounts in my 40's -- I guess that's good news!

Motion detectors

So, last night I'm in my MBA class and the back set of lights kept shutting off; aparently the motion detector wasn't detecting any motion. All of the learners in the back of the room would start flailing their arms and rocking back & forth to get them to turn back on. After 5-10 seconds, the lights would turn back on. Then 2-3 minutes later the cycle would repeat. It was hilarious - I had the giggles the entire night from it.

I feel this way sometimes when I parent. I flail my arms and make all kinds of contorted moves to get my kids lights to turn on and when they do I'm excited. But a little time goes by and the lights go back off and I need to start flailing again.

I think God is this way with me. He flails His arms to get my attention and when I detect the motion, the lights go on and I get some revelation about God, life, me, etc. However, in my human-ness, the lights go back off after a little while when I don't detect any motion. God probably gets frustrated and starts flailing His arms again only to repect the cycle. My job as a Christ-follower is to make sure that my detector is set to the appropriate level to detect the motion of God; I want to live in a place where the lights are always on and God doesn't need to keep flailing His arms.

Diggin' Deeper

Yesterday I spoke at church and part of the talk involved the much quoted verse, "The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective" from James 5:16. Now I understand that not all of you reading this pray, but hang in there - my point isn't about prayer. Anyway, people that do pray obviously want those prayers to be powerful and effective, but the author says we need to be "righteous" in order to achieve that. Based on our own preconceived ideas of what "righteous" means, we might immediately conclude that we are not righteous and therefore there is no point in praying because there will be no power or effectiveness. However, upon digging deeper, we find that the original greek word for this actually means "repentant sinner." We know that we are all sinners, every single one of us; but if we repent of our sin (admit it, apologize, and try to change), then we are considered "righteous" and our prayers are powerful and effective. How much more inclusive is this powerful prayer when we think about being a repentant sinner versus righteous.

My point is that there is great value in digging deeper into many issues of life. Obviously if we dig really deep in every issue, we will suffer from analysis paralysis, but if we just take everything at a surface level or make big assumptions on things, we will not be exposed to the real truth.

I'm sure we can all think of a number of examples of this. Consider personal relationships - when someone acts a certain way I might conclude one thing based on my experiences and preconceived ideas, but by digging deeper find it was an entirely different set of causes. Consider questioning leadership - again, digging deeper reveals information and truth that, if left to a surface reaction, would have been missed leading to an inappropriate conclusion.

We all know people that probably dig too deep on certain things (guilty), but it is important to seek the ultimate truth and not be satisfied with what appears to be truth on the surface.

Authenticity

I lead a weekly discussion group at work and we are going through henry Cloud's book, "Integrity: the courage to meet the demands of reality.". During the lunch discussion yesterday, we talked about leadership, success, etc and their relationship to integrity, character, values, etc. The discussion led to the current "big thing" in leadership... Authenticity. Today's leader needs to be authentic. We didn't talk about it, but I believe being authentic requires a humble spirit and the willingness to be transparent.

I took an intentional step toward this on Wednesday night. I finished the initial draft of a script for a sermon I am giving Sunday. Then I did something I had never done before - partly because I had never had the lead time, but mostly out of fear and pride. I submitted my script to my wife and 3 pastors I know very well. I asked them to tear it apart (if they have time) and give any insights, recommendations, areas of confusion, etc. This can be humbling, but the feedback I have already received is going to make the message significantly more transformational.

Now these are not people I "lead" but integrity requires an integrated, whole, consistent life. By intentionally being transparent and humble through this, my hope is that it leads to greater overall authenticity.

Of course, I was proud of the fact I was humble, so there ya go...

Stick in the eye

Sorry I missed yesterday.... got away from me.

Last evening I was playing soccer with my two boys and the ball went into the woods (which it does basically every time someone shoots and misses the net). My eldest son (by 20 minutes) went in to retrieve and came jumping out a few seconds later holding his eye and yelling. I assumed he was stung by a bee based on his reaction. After I got him to calm down, I was able to look at he had a deep scratch on the outside of his eyelid and also looked like something in his eye. We got inside and were able to get the blood off and start rinsing with water. After a while we could tell what we were dealing with and there was nothing serious involved. His eye is a bit puffy with a deep scratch and we were able to work dirt/bark/etc out of the eye.

This is not the first time he has taken a stick in the eye. Last year it was a bit scarier as he actually scratched his eyeball with a stick.... his eye was bleeding and we actually took him in for that one. I remember telling him that now he could actually speak as an expert if someone said to him, "It's better than a sharp stick in the eye." (My gift of empathy, remember).

I told him last night that I find it interesting that he runs into sticks/twigs/branches in his eye. You would think if something hits you in the eye, you would have seen it coming (again, empathy).

I found a paralle to how I continue to run through the woods of leadership and take sticks in the eye... you would think I would see some things coming, but either I have a blind spot, I'm just not paying attention, or someone is standing off to the side swinging a stick at me. It's not as dramatic as that might sound and its not just about leadership... I think in life we all run into things that we should have seen coming (results of poor decisions, etc). Hopefully the implications of these things are better than a sharp stick in the eye.

Champaign

I was watching some ESPN highlights tonight and they were showing teams celebrating with dancing, hollering, jumping around, and dumping champaign on each others heads. I don't remember there being such extreme celebrations for simply making the playoffs -- I remember that as the celebration for winning the world series. Now, don't get me wrong, having a good year that results in making the playoffs is a real accomplishment, but worthy of a champaign bash? I think not. I think there are about 30 baseball teams and 8 make the playoffs... that means that about 1 out of every 4 teams makes the playoffs. That doesn't seem champaign worthy to me.

I'm not sure if the fact that they celebrate to this extent is really a bad thing or if this really is my issue. Over the past several years, I've learned more and more the importance of taking time to celebrate victories along the way. However, my bent is to just move on to the next thing.

Perhaps part of my interest in the issue is that I always get annoyed when I see individual players on a team, especially football, go crazy when they make an individual play. For example, consider a team defense of 11 players who each do their job and eventually someone sacks the quarterback.... often that player goes into some kind of individual dance or even runs away from his fellow teammates who have gathered to celebrate - they run away to give themself more space to do their individual dance. That bothers me. What's even worse is that I see these celebrations from people on teams who are losing by 3 touchdowns in the fourth quarter. It doesn't bother me if, in this situation, people get somewhat excited - but to act like the superbowl was just won, seems goofy to me.

I really am not judging these teams or individuals, I'm just adding this to my ongoing thoughts about celebration. I personally don't celebrate meeting expectations I have of myself or others; I recognize it, but don't celebrate it. What I celebrate is victory beyond expectations.

Perhaps I just want to understand more the motivations behind other people's celebrations to give me insight into my own, seemingly minority, feelings.