A fan of fans

Fans (as in wind generating desktop fans) are interesting to me (as my readers you realize that many mundane things are interesting to me). Here's why: They have a very limited scope of responsibility, a very specific use, they can do it for a long time without a break and over a long calendar life. I have a $7.99 Walgreens desk fan blowing on me right now and it just keeps on churning without a lot of fan fare, but its purpose is very important to me (and the rest of the staff and family that would suffer the ramifications of me not constantly surrounded by a fan).

If I were to use my fan as a hammer, it wouldn't last as long. Even if I used it as a hammer once, its purpose as a fan would likely forever be hampered. Using it as a fork to eat waffles would likely have the same result. My point is that a fan is created for a specific purpose and when used for that purpose there is nothing else that can do its job as well; however, used for the wrong purpose it will not be as effective as the right tool and will likely hinder the purpose it was designed for.

I think people are like fans in that each of us have been designed with a specific purpose. If we allow ourselves to be used for something else, it just doesn't work. We may not even realize it's not working, but others see it. But when we operate where we were designed to operate, nothing is as effective. It is important for each of us to take the time to discover what we were designed to do (this requires self-assessment, mentors, counsellors, etc) and commit to operating in that space. Only then will we operate in our purpose day after day with seemingly little effort (like these mini fan blades on my desktop fan). I love my fan and I think my fan knows it....

Rock mountain humility

Yesterday (Sunday) was a great day of church, Grandmas, and swimming. We decided to cap it off as a family by hitting one of the area lakes for a little bull-head hunting (i.e. fishing). The last several times we have gone to Goose Lake so we decided to mix it up a bit and go to Little Horshoe (where we hadn't been for a few years). As we arrived at the public launch area, we found that they had re-done it; well, actually they dumped a bunch of rock where the landing area is. After considering briefly if we should try to conquer this landing with our front-wheel drive, low clearance mini-van (this is called foreshadowing), we decided to go for it. I backed the boat into the water and then got out to take a look.... the trailer was all the way in the water, but the boat was still above the surface (the lake stays quite shallow for a while near the shore). The van, however, was at quite the angle after conquering the rock mountain. So the conundrum was, do we keep backing in and put the van on the other side of the mountain or just decide to cut our losses and head out to Goose. We decided to cut our losses and the troops loaded back up to head out.

A front-wheel drive, low clearance mini-van trying to drive through loose rock with a trailer and boat behind and below it is akin to driving through deep snow in a Yugo. As I tried to drive, the tires dug in, rocks when flying, and we ended up buried. I disconnected the boat and started trying to get us out. I could go on and on about this joy as we kept digging out and trying again. The rocks were packed into the undercarriage. I had the entire family out digging (one of whom was instead trying to start a fire with two of these rocks instead of working, but this young person shall remain nameless). We got out the oars and were scraping rocks from underneath, digging out the tires, etc. This went on for about 30-40 minutes, sweat was just pouring off of me, my steel-plate & screws leg enjoyed floundering around on the rocks, and my rheumatoid-arthritis hands enjoyed digging out rocks. Finally, with the family watching from a distance, I was able to rock the beast back and forth and eventually get out. Phwew! There was great excitement... until I realized we now needed to get the boat & trailer out of the muck & mire and up rock mountain to where the van was.

OK, troops, fall in. I grabbed the toungue of the trailed to lift and pull while my family walked into the water and all pushed from the back of the boat. We made progress little by little as I counted off 1-2-3 and lifted while they pushed as best they could. After about 10 minutes of this, we were getting there but I started feeling light headed (no, I don't drink enough water even in this heat & humidity). Just then a couple strapping young lads showed up in the four-wheel drive SUV to do some fishing. They came over and asked if they could help; withouth hesitation I said, "Yeah, you could do my job" and I went and sat down to fight off the dizziness. With just about 10 feet to go, they helped my family get the trailer to the van and then my wife brought me water and my daughter gave me a backrub. I got up after about 5 minutes down, hooked up the trailer and we were on our way -- we "celebrated" our defeat and victory with Dairy Queen instead of fishing.

There is a lot in there that could preach (mountains in our life, hard rocks can still provide poor traction, making poor decisions, the power of family/teamwork, our roles in community struggles, etc), but the key take away from me after the fact was "laying down our pride." As a guy, to admit we need help (especially to other guys) and to accept someones offer seem to be signs of weakness. A few years ago, I would have shunned those guys offer to help ("no, we're fine") or at the very least just let them help under my leadership. However, yesterday, I just said, "Yeah, could you do my job." My weary body needed a break, there was someone offering to give it to me, and I took it. Is that weakness or intelligence? Independence or dependence? Going solo or community?

My wife and I were amazed and how quickly I took them up on their offer. I think without that five minute break, I may have passed out. It was quite the day - one never knows what will happen when we put ourselves in situations where something can happen. The adventure continues...

Group bloggin'

Our small group (all 4 of us!) met on Friday night and had some great relationship-building, honest discussion. We also chatted about what we should "do next" as a group and among those things we decided, we started a blog (this is not open to the public, but only the four of us have access). We thought this would be a great way to stay more connected throughout the course of the week and allow our thoughts to crystalize and be challenged prior to our weekly get togethers. We are only two days into this thing and I can already see that this will be a great thing. One of our small group members ended their blog entry with, "Love you guys" - this is cool because this person would likely not say this in person even though the love is evident. The blog also allows each of us to really think before we write; we're not so much "on the spot" as we reply or add new insight.

My point is not to share with you all the process by which we run our small group; but there is an interesting dynamic associated with blogging. For me personally, the blog you are now reading has been (as one of my readers suggested) therapeutic and a great creative outlet for me. What I'm finding already in our small group blog is different, but deeply valuable. In both cases there will be history to look back and see how perspectives have changed; in both cases there is more intentionality; in both cases I am often surprised at where things go once I start typing.

Until I started this blog a few weeks ago, no one in our small group (including me) had ever read or posted a blog... but yet we are all excited for the possibilities. Some might argue that it is not face time and therefore is not valuable; but I think it will definitely enhance our group and lead to even deeper relationships. I don't understand completely why it seems to work so well (maybe its just a fad), but I'm enjoying my personal sharing and now this group interaction.

Relationship Evangelism

I'm listening to a book on tape from a famous leader, pastor, and author. He is talking about evangelism and how important it is for us to reach out to people in a way that builds relationships; he is talking about how evangelism is not about beating people over the heads with Bibles or always having to talk of spiritual matters, but instead just getting to know them and their story. It's about finding common interests and building the relationship from those.

I agree that relationships are at the core of evangelism; that relationship is required in order to come alongside someone who is struggling or to be able to speak truth into their life. The piece I struggle with in all of evangelism is that it always feels like building relationship has to have an alterior motive. If I build relationships with my neighbors for the sake of one day evangelizing to them, am I "tricking" them into becoming my friends - because I have a hidden agenda? I'm not saying that relationship evangelsim is wrong, but it just sometimes feels like we are on this hidden mission trying to build relationships in a stealth way because under the surface some day we are going to lay it on them when they are least expecting it.

I desire to love people simply because they are people and Jesus taught me to love people. I desire to serve people for the same reason. I desire to build relationships with people because we all need relationships and in building a friendship I am unconditionally loving them, intentionally serving them, and being obedient to live the way of life Jesus calls me to.

Now, as with any other healthy relationship, if a need arises for that person that I can help with, I need to do what I can. If I feel there is some spiritual element to that assistance then I need to share that with this person and not shy away from it. Jesus also doesn't call us to hide the fact that we are following His way, so we don't need to pretend we don't love God or care about His church; we don't need to down-play our faith - instead we should let our light shine and pour salt all over this world. I believe God will give opportunity to sow seeds of our faith in His time.

The rub is that if we are followers of Christ and believe that His sacrifice was for our eternal salvation, then we get nervous for those people we know that haven't accepted the gift and will need to take the hit themselves. This develops a sense of urgency which makes building relationships and waiting for opportunities much harder to do; its hard to be patient when so much is on the line.

Evangelism is a dynamic animal that I've not yet fully reconciled; there are a few of the aspects that seem to be truth but yet contradict each other. Where I am at right now is here:

- I will build relationships because I love living in community
- I will enjoy relationships with and accept those who are not the same as me
- I will not shy away from my faith, but not make it relationship motive
- I will trust that God through the Holy Spirit will direct me into the right discussions at the right time and give me the strength to say what needs to be said when it needs to be said
- I'll keep wrestling with God for understanding as I travel along my journey

Delivery

I had the honor of speaking last Sunday at a church in Pine City; it allowed me to share my heart on some stuff but also give the lead pastor and friend a week off from preparation and delivery. I am happy with the way it went, but the feedback I received gave me some additional insight. People seemed to resonate with the message, but the bulk of the feedback I received was around delivery ("I was able to understand it", "It made sense", "I got it", "It was easy to understand", etc). Now, I don't know if this was the emphasis of the reaction because the content sucked or that the content was good, but what made it better was being able to say things in a way that met people where they were at.

This, like always, got me thinking about other areas of life. What we believe will never matter to anyone else if we can't express it in a way that makes sense to them; this is actually a tenant of marketing - who cares if the product is great if you can't communicate its greatness and why people should care in a way that hooks them and makes sense. Think about Jesus and his message (on how to live a better life and that He came to take the hit for us): he didn't teach in great theological forums with high-brow language - he spoke in parables & stories; he spoke in the culture of His day: analogies of farming (sowing seed, lost sheep, crops) and fishing. No matter what we feel or believe, the ability to communicate is critical.

Perhaps this is why great leaders are so, well, great -- they can get us to see their vision and align our lives to their passion because they have a way of putting words to their beliefs and mission that makes sense. Martin Luther King, Jr, desired integration and racial reconciliation - so did a lot of people before him. But he was able to deliver this message with such powerful imagery and passion and conviction that people were moved to action. What made King's messages so great (including the "I have a dream speech") is that he constantly delivered his vision and mission. That day on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, King started his speech using an anlogy around the blacks redeeming their check of freedom that was issued by the U.S. constitution - actually, great stuff, but no one remembers it. When King felt the speech wasn't grabbing the attention he had hoped, he moved away from his written comments and pulled on the vision and speech he'd given numerous times before: "... judged not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character...", "... from the Stone Mountain of George, let freedom ring...", and "... free at last, free at last, thank God almighty I'm free at last...". What made MLK, Jr, great was not his desire for integration, but in his ability to delivery it and unite people toward a common vision with purpose and passion.

May we as leaders have even a fraction of that ability so that people see what we believe and are compelled toward transformation.

Pickler Wisdom

I was listening to a country music station this morning and they interviewed Kelly Pickler (American Idol) who was commenting on the Lindsay Lohan situation and giving her advice to others. She said the greatest advice she could give is to surround yourselves with people that are like what you want to be. I appreciated her advice as it was beyond what typically we as parents think about our kids and our friends, which is that they hang out with "good" kids or they have "nice" friends.

I personally pursue relationships with people who have an aspect of their life developed that I also wish to develop. I don't desire to use them for my own gain, but to learn from them what they know, how they think, how they react, their perspectives, etc. There was a blessing that went with disciples (followers) as they began following their rabbi (teacher) back in old Jewish custom: "May you be covered in the dust of your rabbi's feet". This meant that they would follow so closely their teacher that even the dust from the teacher's sandals would settle on them. There is wisdom in that for us today. If we have a vision for our life and where we want to get to, it would help us greatly to surround ourselves with those who are already there or also walking it. It doesn't matter if this is leadership, art, chemistry, computer science, wood-working, bird-watching, fishing, or teaching -- we need to find people to learn from (apprenticeship).

Often we think that people won't take the time. I have found that people will take the time partially because they are honored and flattered for being asked. But I think the biggest reason people will sow into your life is that in order to achieve their "success" (whatever that looks like) they had to transform from being a consumer to being a producer. Now, as a producer, they will likely be willing to help us along our journey as well. The mentoring of others helps develop and complete their success.

Who knew Kelly Pickler would solidify my core belief that mentoring and networking are important in seeing my life vision fulfilled. Thank you to my mentors, teachers, and colleagues who continue to inspire and push me toward my life vision.

Eagles ("Carp" Diem)

My boys and I went fishing on Saturday evening (even though my Mom was telling me I should be preparing to speak on Sunday). The fishing went well, but the highlight was seeing an eagle flying around quite close to us and eventually being joined by another eagle; it was so cool. They were just gliding above us with their wings outstretched enjoying their freedom. In hindsight, it would have been a good example to use when I spoke on Sunday about freedom and how that could look in our lives.

Fast forward to Sunday evening when the whole family went out to the same spot. Again, the fishing was great but eventually the eagle came out again and we all watched it circle around right above us... absolutely majestic. Then it started swooping down toward us and we were all riveted on it as it hit the surface of the water about 30 feet from us and grabbed a fish with its talons and then took off. Whoa! It was really cool!

I believe the best part of the gospel message is that it brings us freedom. The penalty for our past, current, and future mistakes is death - something or someone has to take the hit for it. In the old days it was the scape goat or lamb (get my message from this past Sunday) but when Jesus came on the scene he took the hit for us. God loved us so much that He sent Jesus to do that for us, but as a result we need to walk in the freedom that it gives us. If we let Jesus take the hit for our mistakes, we no longer need to drag the ball and chain of our past around with us; we are no longer shackled on our wrists and ankles. We are like the eagle flying high in absolute freedom from our past that would otherwise keep us grounded.

I also believe that God creates opportunities in our lives; times when we are supposed to "carpe diem" (Seize the Day). This might be a ministry opportunity with someone; this might be an opportunity for great adventure; this might be an opportunity to serve; this might be a job opportunity... who knows. I believe God desires us to take action (faith without works is dead) and when these opportunities arise and are appropriate, we need to take action rather than shrink back ("From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it" - Matthew 11:12 I think). The eagle we were watching saw an opportunity with a fish lingering on the surface and he took it; and he (or she; or their baby eaglets) were handsomely rewarded.

Was there a risk the eagle would have failed? Yup. But the eagle would have tried again. That's what freedom brings; not being weighed down by past failures or current fear of failure. Man, lets be eagles... let's fly in full freedom and seize the moment when they are presented. I wonder if this has anything to do with God's intention when the Bible says, "They with soar with wings as eagles; the will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not faint."

7/25 Edit: I just changed the title to reflect the fact that if the fish the eagle grabbed was a carp (which I don't think it was), then Carp Diem would be more appropriate than Carpe Diem.

Accepting Free Gifts

This morning I had the great honor of preaching at Evergreen Community Church in Pine City, MN. I spoke on transformation and how Jesus offers us that as both our teacher (in how we should live) and as our savior (in freedom from the punishment for our sin). At any rate, during the preaching, I started considering how our culture makes accepting the free gift of forgiveness very difficult. My experience is that we have a very difficult time accepting gifts from others.

I thought back to the time when my son and I walked around Pine City during their all-city garage sale in the summer of 2006 pulling a wagon full of pop on ice and giving it away. I told my son that we would not accept any money for doing this. It turned into a petry dish on the human psyche. People had a horrible time accepting the pop for free; some insisted on paying us, others grilled us with questions about our motives, and some even outright turned us down. Our culture seems to promote that freedom is never feeling indebted to anyone.

I am considering a discussion I had today with someone who is struggling financially and someone just blessed them with a vehicle that they could keep; this person was having difficulty accepting that without feeling indebted. I tried to convince them that they needed to just say thank you and enjoy the blessing. If they continue to feel indebted they diminish what was done for them and also take away the blessing enjoyed by those that gave them the vehicle.

We need to learn how to accept gifts without feeling indebted for life. It is this "no free lunch" attitude that I feel makes it very difficult for some people to accept Jesus' free gift of forgiveness. In my message I shared that something has to take the hit for our mistakes (the wages of sin is death) and if we don't accept Jesus willingness to take the hit for us, we are stuck taking the hit for ourselves. The pride we have in not allowing others to do something for us can get in the way of decisions that could have eternal consequence.

It is better to give than receive, but if we never receive we never allow givers to be blessed.

Community

I went to the Twins game yesterday afternoon as part of a work outing. It was quite fun although the twins lost in extra innings. For much of the game I was consumed with the idea of how a sports team and event create such community. I've been to many games before and thought about this a bit, but it was really striking to me yesterday. Baseball is a game played for entertainment by people who get paid a huge amount of money, yet it has the power to create community.

I started thinking about a conversation I had the day before with a former boss about how I felt the employers of choice in the future will be those who can create not a great "workforce" but a great "community of workers." I believe with the movement into post-modernism (there I go again), we will see radical changes in churches (9% of worshippers are now in house churches, up from 1% just a few years ago) and in the labor force (part-time, flexible schedules, etc). There is a tremendous hunger for community and people are willing to make whatever adjustments they need to make in order to achieve it.

I think the appeal of things like sports, fantasy sports, MySpace, etc, is that it leads to community. I believe God created us to be in a community of co-dependent relationships. Our modern era with technology of email, internet, video conferencing, iPhones, etc, has led us into more relationships, but with less depth and less face-time. I believe that our need for community is no longer being met by our day-to-day activities of work, etc, and so we are looking for community wherever we can find it.

There exists a tremendous opportunity for churches to create that community. Many mainstream churches are declining in membership not because what they teach is not relevant or has somehow become outdated, but because these churches are missing the point that people are starving for real, authentic community and the traditional styles have not adapted to provide that to this new generation. Churches that seem to understand the power of connection and community are seeing growth.

Of course, every community comes with a set of unique individuals. Each is in community together, but with very different perspectives. Consider those at the twins game:
- Analytical/Thinkers - those writing down all that happened (keeping book)
- New/Naive - didn't really get baseball and were asking questions to try to understand
- Informed but not engrossed - knew what was going on, but were busy with other conversation
- Fanatics - the guys who were flipping the bird to the other team and trying to get us all to do the wave
- Blind followers - people that cheered (or booed) because others did, even though they didn't see what happened
- Wounded - the ones that life seems to smack upside the head (like the woman with red hair who got nailed by a foul ball at the game)

As leaders, our job will increasingly become more and more about creating community; a sense of belonging. With that we need to understand that a community is still a set of individuals with very distinct backgrounds, experiences, and perspectives. That is a challenge, but also a great source of excitement and potential.

Next Chapter

Like turning the page to a new chapter, my life took another exciting twist today. I just found out that I have been approved to reduce my time as an investment actuary to 60% which allows me to spend two days in the office in my role as Executive Pastor. After an 8-month stretch of transition and uncertainty (in many elements of our life), I once again sense my life finding its rhythm. Reducing my corporate job means only three days with two hours of commute time; it means spending two weekdays working in my home town and occassionally having lunch with my wife and/or kids. The increase in ministry hours means expending more energy preparing for our "re-launch" this fall as we add an additional service and several new programs; it means focusing more energy implementing the recently completed strategic plan; it means spending energy on the land we recently acquired and the building we plan to construct; it means more relationship building with staff and other leaders (tough to do on one meeting-filled day per week).

Like every major life decision there is a series of doubts and concerns that flood in; this, of course, is exacerbated by some of the people who feel free to speak into your life. In my case there are people that feel I am "throwing away a great potential career" or "shooting down my potential." I am glad I have done the amount of self-assessment I have and developed confidence not only in my ability, but in what makes me tick. I can say with assurance that this blend of 60% investment actuary and 40% Executive Pastor is perfect right now for me in terms of intellectual stimulation, leadership, management, technical problem solving, ministry, family time, and finances. I'm sure I will continue to question my situation: should I be full-time in corporate America? should I be full-time as Executive Pastor? should I be starting a new church? should I be seeking a business or government leadership position in my home town? But for now, I feel absolutely blessed to be in the position I am in; I'm excited for the challenge; I'm excited for the Great Adventure! Saddle up!

Six string blind spot

OK, confession time. Yesterday my wife had the iPod going in the kitchen and we were both jammin' along with John Mellancamp's "Jack and Diane" when she made an incredible discovery... I was singing the wrong words to part of the song and apparently have been since the song was released in 1982. There is a part in the song that says, "Hold on to that sixteen as long as you can; change will come around real soon make us women and men." Because that part starts out with, "Let it rock... let it roll..." I have always been singing that part as "Hold on to that six string as long as you can.." (the six string being slang for the guitar). PS - I'm not sharing how I sang the second part of that as that would cause yet more embarrassment and I'm not mature enough to handle that.

That got me thinking about all of the blind spots we all have in our life. Those parts of our life song where we sing loud and proud (like me with John Mellancamp) but we are singing the wrong words. We have no idea the words are wrong so we sing as loud as we can and, boy, is it humbling when we learn the right words. I wonder what other blinds spots I have in life. I think of my leadership role at church or my role at Thrivent and wonder what blind spots I have. I feel like my only recourse it to continually self-examine and surround myself with people that I know will tell me if they see them (such as my wife with my lyrical shortfalls).

I recall reading a book by Bill McCartney called, "Blind Spots" in which he wrestles with why different races feel and vote so differently on political issues. He talks about how both whites and blacks have blind spots that don't allow them to see the other perspective; these blind spots have been created through years of culture and experience.

Blind spots are so tough simply because we are blind to them. If we have areas in our life that we see, we have the choice to do something about it or not. If we have blind spots, our only hope is that we have people along side of us who are willing to speak the truth in love and help us adjust our mirrors to see the complete picture - then we have a choice on do something about it or not. It's tough to hear, but I'm so thankful for the blind spot spotters in my life - Although humbled by the "six string", I'm excited to now sing "Jack and Diane" with a new sense of boldness!

Non-Linear Life

I had a great conversation with my brother-in-law this weekend (of course, while fishing) about how we are in similar stages of life. Both enjoying our "main job" but both looking toward a future of reducing time and energy spent on that and increasing time and energy spent on doing what we feel more passionate about... perhaps more of what we feel we were made to do. We are both doing different types of jobs now and we have different passions we want to pursue, but the point is that I am sure we are only a couple of the many people our age who want to pursue interests beyond the everyday routine of full-time work.

Some of my corporate life has involved creating financial solutions for people in or approaching retirement. The background research includes how people have traditionally approached retirement and how new paradigms are emerging. The new paradigms include people that no longer are looking to live the linear life: student, school or learning a trade, work 40 years for same company, then fully retire. Instead, people are transitioning from full-time to part-time and back again; they are creating flexible work schedules; they might leave the work-force for a period of time only to rejoin it years later; they might only semi-retire. The idea here is that we are entering a more non-linear human experience (which, by the way, aligns with a transition into post-modernism - see earlier postings).

I am excited that so many people are asking themselves the questions: "What makes me come alive" (kudos to John Eldridge) or "what makes me tick" or "what gives me that feeling that I was made to do this or that." I continue asking myself these questions (and anyone who lets me ask them). The intentional process of self-discovery leads to truths about self; these truths ideally lead to actions that align our lives with what makes us come alive: which is where, I believe, we are supposed to live.

Carp Distraction

I had lunch with my brother yesterday (actually he bought and brought me lunch) and we walked across the Stone Arch Bridge in Minneapolis discussing our work situations, etc. I was excited that we were walking there because I wanted to show him the huge fish (I think they are carp) that swim around in the shallows of the Mississippi by the bridge. We were able to see them quite clearly and a number of them were huge - I told him that after work one day last week I tried to catch them, but didn't have any live bait; just picked up a can of corn at the Holiday station.

Anyway, we would be chatting and I would get distracted by the fish... "Oh, man, look at that one" or "Check out those three right there." I don't know if he got frustrated with my fish distraction or not, but afterward I realized it was probably quite annoying to be sharing about your life and work and have your brother apparently more interested in a few carp. It started me thinking that maybe that is how I am with God... I'm guessing there are times when He is really trying to teach me something about myself or open my eyes to some sort of injustice and perhaps I listen initially but then get distracted. Listening is a critical tool for building and sustaining relationships and I think the same holds true with spiritual things. I've got to make sure I'm not checking out the carp when God wants to change my heart.

Speaking of fish, I may not be able to do a posting tomorrow as we are going to a cabin -- I'll get back to ya Sunday.

Aaah, Leadership!

I started an MBA self-assessment a couple months ago like this:

I believe leadership is a spiritual gift.
I believe not everyone has or can develop the gift of leadership.
I believe the gift of leadership comes with a tremendous amount of responsibility.
I believe I have the gift of leadership.
I believe claiming I have the gift of leadership and others do not can sound arrogant.
I believe leadership demands honesty.
I believe I am being honest.

Leadership carries an incredible responsibility with it. When we are in non-leadership roles, we often crave leadership because of the exposure, perceived power, recognition, etc, that comes with it. But we often don't consider what a difficult burden the leadership gift is to carry. Over the past couple of weeks, there have been many leadership trials in my Executive Pastor role. Over the past few weeks I've had interesting discussions about my process for hiring staff, issues around the implementation of the strategic plan, the potential around changing how we take our offering, establishment of new growth classes for Sunday morning, and others. Each of which has different perspectives and potential paths, but each of which I need to make a decision on that aligns with the purpose and core value of the ministry. These can be taxing and difficult times and often I just want to say, "Listen, I see the big picture and I want you to know that I'm making the best decision for the ministry and can you just trust me?" But in the church we are dealing with relationships which makes the non-profit leadership calling an even more daunting task.

But the good news is, God equips the called. He continues to bring people around me to encourage me in my gifting; He continues to lead me to wisdom and right thinking; I see Biblical examples of other leaders who have had to fight the good fight. From these I draw strength; I realize that God never called someone to do something that was "easy" (Noah, Moses, David, Paul, Peter, Jesus, etc). Through these trials I've felt my leadership gift develop further and I am even more motivated to live that out and "Lead with all diligence (Romans 12:8)."

Transformation

In about a week and a half (7/22) I will be speaking at Evergreen Community Church in Pine City. This is the church my family and I spent 18 months with preparing for and ultimately launching in September of 2006. Our commissioning ended on Memorial Day of this year and we've been back at New Hope in Cambridge (where I'm on staff) since. This will be my first time back there on a Sunday morning since the end of May and I'm excited to be going back and sharing what is on my heart.

I will be talking about Transformation and what that looks like (and what it doesn't look like). Way too often we think of a "Christian Transformation" as something that happens to create a really nice and friendly (yet passive aggressive) person. As I've been pondering what my message will be, I am landing on the fact that each one of our lives is like a song that we write the music and lyrics for and ultimately perform. Our songs have different styles, rhythms, and lyrics and typically are performed for ourselves or the world around us. I believe true transformation is when we write and perform our life song for God. You'll have to show up or listen on line if you want details, but the point is not about changing the style of the song, but instead getting a better understanding of our audience. Transformation that occurs from following Christ does not look like wearing a suit, carrying a Bible, covering the tattoos, taking out the nose ring, becoming soft -- instead following Christ looks like living life to the full (John 10:10) which means loving God and others and having a life that reflects the fruit of the spirit, including a whole bunch of Joy! I want to let my life song sing to God in a way that reflects His joy in all of His creation; in a way that makes people glad to be around me; in a way that focuses on the good news of the gospel (freedom) rather than the restrictions of the law. OK, now I'm preaching... I better wind 'er up. Thanks for listening....

Post-Modern Actuary?

I think I am a post-modern, although some would say I'm too old for that. There is a lot of discussion occurring around modernity and post-modernity, especially in regard to churches and worship style - perhaps you are more familiar with the controversial term "Emergent" (as in we are emerging from a modern view of life). This is a theory that we are in the middle of another shift in world paradigm; much like when we shifted from the Midieval Age to the Modern Age. Post-Modernity is not about being better than modernity, but it is about what does society look like that has gone through modernity. It makes for some interesting discussion and reading.

I believe I have always been modern, but in recent years I've really struggled with people over-analyzing everything, especially things that pertain to God. I've always struggled with those people who always have "the answer" to whatever the situation or who know that their interpretation of something is the only right way. I'm not ready to say I'm a pluralist; I believe their is absolute truth. However, how can different people with right motives who have dedicated their life to uncovering truth around a certain issue reach different conclusions? What does that tell us about absolute truth? How can people not even acknowledge the fact that there may be another perspective on things?

The reason I think I am post-modern is that instead of focusing on analyzing something to death and not settling until I find the one unmistakable answer, I find myself drawn more to the experience of learning, reading, and understanding. Take the Bible for instance: Whenever I've read the Bible in the past, I've tried to understand relationships and places and customs; those things are good to know and important in understanding the context of the story, but I was drawn to these things more like a "Trivial Pursuit" type of draw - in order to know facts. As I've gotten older, I've found myself wanting to understand those things for context, but the focus has become more on experiencing God and trying to hear what His heart is for me, all people, and the world.

I don't know if this is making sense and I'm not saying I'm right on this stuff; my point is that God seems to be moving my heart from "formula" to "experience" and it seems I'm not alone.

Shotgun Monday

Well, back it again this morning after a great weekend. Today is my one day each week that I work in the office fulfilling my church duties; as I sit here in front of my $7 Walgreens mini-fan (already trying to stay cool) I find myself trying to figure out and focus on what are the "main things" to do today.

Sometimes the Exeuctive Pastor role is like someone shooting a shotgun toward me, with pellets flying in every direction and I need to figure out which ones need to be paid attention to first. If I focus on all of the pellets, it is likely I won't even be able to move as it is to much to process; if I can wipe out the ones headed right for me, I can then concentrate on the other, less potentially critical ones. But that is hard because each issue is critical to someone else and in churches, like most other places, people don't appreciate the number of issues and concerns that leaders need to juggle and prioritize. Today will be a struggle to take care of the critical pellets while letting the other pellets know that they really are important, but just not the top priority. Does this even make sense? I don't think the shotgun analogy was that good, but then again, the blog is a minor pellet.

Fish Story

Today is Saturday and I was trying my best to not work. I have this habit (as most of you know) of not giving myself permission to enjoy life; the feeling of guilt or not making progress or not improving the world, or something. Anyway, I have really gotten into fishing the past few years and this year more than ever. My wife and kids were heading down to her sisters family for the day today and, although tempted to "get a lot done", I decided to spend the bulk of the day fishing. I left home about 7:30 and went to East Rush Lake where I rented a boat and motor for the day... after fishing for about 45 minutes, including driving to the far south basin, the motor wouldn't start and then seized up on me... I enjoyed the 60 minute rowing adventure back to the "resort" where I decided I'd try my luck elsewhere (I caught a few sunfish and had one bass on the line that I lost). I went to the fishing pier at the north end of West Rush Lake and found it to be entirely grown over... I ate a sandwich and had a soda, but that was about it. Next, I drove to Little Stanchfield and fished off the road there a bit.... again, a few sunnies, but not much luck. Finally, on the way home, I stopped off at the narrows of Goose Lake. I'd driven down there before, but never parked and fished. I spent about 90 minutes there and caught a couple sunnies and about 8 bull-heads (which are brutal to take off the hook and I wouldn't eat them, but they fight which is fun). I brought them home to show the kids... all in all, I enjoyed the fishing, but not for the actual fishing.

After the family got home, we enjoyed tacos and watched some Andy Griffith on DVD (exciting stuff, huh?). I had this nagging feeling I should try to fish again tonight. I told my wife, "I know you'll think I'm crazy, but I want to head out again" and asked if any of the kids wanted to go with. Both my sons (including my avid fisherman) declined, but my daughter said she would go. We headed out about 8:30pm for the same spot on Goose Lake... about 10 minutes into the drive, we realized we forgot the worms and bug spray; we headed back home and I almost called it a night, but her and I decided to go anyway.

So we finally get there after 9:00pm and its starting to get dark. One of our rods had a snag in it that I discovered after putting the worm on for my daughter. We set the worm & hook on the bank of the lake and I started pulling the line off the reel in order to get to the snag. The hook and worm slid into the lake and we realized we had a bite; I told my daughter, "It's just a small sunny, let's get this snag out." So I kept pulling line off the reel and asked her to hold the line tight while I reeled it back in to untangle it. As we did this the bobber kept going out of sight. Finally we got the line all back in so it was taut with the fish and I set the hook. I gave the rod to my daughter to reel it in. She starts fighting this thing and the rod bent like crazy. I almost took the rod to reel it in myself, but I wanted her to fight it and she was having a blast. When the fish finally surfaced I said, "Man, that's a big fish." Without a net and worried about her dropping the pole, I was able to reach in and grab it by it's bottom lip. It was a largemouth bass - the biggest I have ever been involved in catching. We have it living out in our cooler overnight as I am writing this so that my other son (who was sleeping when we got home) can see it. Some other guys who were there estimated it to be about 4 pounds - we'll weigh and measure tomorrow (note: the next day it measured 18" and weighed about 3.5 pounds).

What's my point of all of this? I don't really have one - and maybe that's okay. I went an entire day without working (I did think about it some) and it ended with a memory that neither my daughter or I will forget for a long time - the day we caught a 4 pound largemouth six inches from shore while getting a tangle out of our reel. Perhaps the moral is simply, "Memories are great, but often it requires us putting ourselves in situations where they can happen." Maybe it should be more Christianese like, "Throw your net on the other side of the boat - or - try it after 9pm" or "God gives us the desires of our heart" or "The Holy Spirit was prompting me to go fish again." All of these may be true, but other nights I've gone out with no luck. Maybe I'll not analyze it and just savor the father-daughter moment we had tonight. Good night all.

Incompletions...

I wonder what it is that causes me to fall short of ultimate completion of certain things. Don't get me wrong, I consider myself very responsible and thorough, but just this morning I was hit with the realization of a couple of situations where I made significant progress on something, but have not fully completed it even though only an easy part remains.

I have an old clubhouse in the backyard. When we moved into the place about 8 years ago it was freestanding on 4x4s, which I stabilized and added stairs to. As the kids grew, they showed less interest in the clubhouse and so a couple of years ago we decided to get rid of it. Last year I was able to cut it down and get it into a pile in the corner of our back yard; the final step was just cutting it up into managable chunks and hauling it away or burning it up.... this is still not done.

About 2 weeks ago we returned from a week-long vacation in which we had no television; it was great! Upon our return we decided that we were going to watch very little television and, in fact, would make sense to cancel our satellite dish service. We have done a great job of watching very little television and we have seen an increase in our family productivity and bonding. The final step was to just cancel the dish service... this is still not done.

These have me wondering if there are other areas in my life journey where I have done the hard work of eliminating sin, forgiving those who have wronged me, loving my neighbors, living life large in freedom and joy, etc, but still have an additional step left. Since this idea hit me this morning, I've not had time to ruminate on this... I trust that any unfinished business will be revealed to me.

Free Will vs. Foreknowledge

Sounds like a pretty heady title, eh? The bark is bigger than the bite on this one. Through the past 15 years as a follower of Christ (or at least an attempted follower), one of the things I occassionally wrestle with is God's knowledge of everything that is going to happen to me, the decisions I will make, the actions I will take, etc, and how that seemingly conflicts with the idea that I have a free will to make those decisions or take those actions. I feel like this morning I had a choice to go to work and I could have made the choice to call into work sick, take a vacation day, or even quit altogether -- I feel like I do have that freedom of choice, yet it feels a bit like less of a choice when I think that God already knows what I'm going to choose... that I can't "surprise" God.

I had a great discussion with my wife as we went for a walk yesterday morning (4th of July) and I shared some of this struggle with her. In her wisdom, she saw that I am viewing God through the same lens of time that I view us humans; instead, she continued, that we need to view God as having already seen the end - that the infinite God who knows what all of eternity will look like also knows how we are going to live our life. She continued that simply because God knows the decisions we'll make does not have any impact on our free will in making those decisions - that God's knowledge and our free will are independent. As I thought about such wisdom coming from such beauty, I started wondering why I have struggled with this - I think part of it is that I think of a God that "walks with us through life" instead of the all-knowing God who has seen eternity. I feel like if God is walking with us then He is experiencing life as it unfolds, rather than knowing what is going to happen. Perhaps much of my personal background and faith experience is around things like, "He walks with me and He talks with me...". Although these are not necessarily incorrect, I grabbed hold of them as if God and I are experiencing life together; although He is with me (simply because he is ever-present), He is not experiencing my life as I experience, but instead already knows how I will experience it. Perhaps His presence with me simply gives me the ability to live the life He desires for me and the strength to make the decisions that He would have me make.

I think I need to spend some time examining this piece. I would love your comments and reactions. Hope you all enjoyed the 4th!

Delegated Will?

So, yesterday, a co-worker and I were making decision on staff positions at church. Whenever I am in charge of deciding who will get a job and who will not, I have internal chaos because I feel like I hold part of the future of these individuals in my hands. This responsibility is usually magnified in the church setting because I get to hear things like, "Well, I'll get it if it is God's will." This is a difficult thing for me to understand and reconcile. Since I am the one making the decision on who will get the job, does this mean the God has delegated His will for this other person's life to me? I already recognize the hiring process as a huge responsibility of bringing character, chemistry, and competency that align with the vision and purpose of the church; but now, the responsibility seems to have escalated to carrying out God's will for this person's life.

I take the hiring process seriously and pray that the Holy Spirit will give me wisdom and discernment, but to think I could cause someone's life to move against God's will is almost unbearable. So what do we do with that? Does God really have a perfect "will" for each one of our lives and failure to carry out each element causes a ripple effect that results in our whole life being malaligned with God? If I marry the person that was not part of God's will for my life, it seems I have now undermined God's will in my life, my spouse's life, the life of the person my spouse was supposed to marry, the life of the children we have, the unborn lives of the children I should have had, and generations after that. The threat of being outside of God's will can cause paralysis. Further, if my parents married each other outside of God's will, which means I exist outside of God's will, then how can I ever re-align with His perfect will for my life? Does He have a back-up will for me conditional upon the situation I was born into?

Could it be that God's will for our life is not so much about doing all the right things as it is experiencing the abundant life He said He came to give us (John 10:10)? Could it be that this abundant life is experiencing all of those things that come to us along with living life by the Holy Spirit: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22)? Could it be that our life is less about a series of appropriate actions and more about an extravagant freedom and joy from simply having life?

Relationship Breakthrough

Today I had the opportunity to have a heart-to-heart conversation with a great friend. After some discussion, we found out the the struggle we were having in our relationship was due to just being wired different. My buddy is wired with needing frequent and quality time to maintain a relationship (if it isn't growing deeper, the relationship is fading) whereas I am wired in such a way that I could go months without even speaking to someone and be able to pick up the friendship right where it left off (and at the same depth). This breakthrough paved the way to a deeper understanding of how each of us ticks and has allowed us more grace for the other person. I now realize the importance of frequency of contact with him and he now understands why it might seem like I go weeks without contact and then just "waltz back into his life." Only through our honest and frank discussions of our feelings were we able to reach the point of true growth in our friendship. I'll get back to him in a couple months and tell him how much I appreciated that :) ....

The public journey begins

Today I begin publishing thoughts and insights along my life's journey. My world consists of four distinct, yet interwoven parts that require balancing and integration as I walk out my life purpose of living a life having "transformational impact." My world includes 1) my faith as a follower of Christ and an emerging paradigm as to what that means, 2) my relational role as husband, father, family member, and friend, 3) my part-time corporate world of investments and risk management, and 4) my part-time ministry role as Executive Pastor, teacher, and board member.

My ramblings are ultimately intended to discipline myself to reflect on a regular (perhaps daily) basis and provide documentation for my journey allowing me to look back to see how life has unfolded and paradigms have shifted. I also hope the words offer an encouragement, challenge, and insight to those of you taking the time to read it. I welcome any comments and look forward to your reactions to my journey. I desire knowledge and learning as I grow in my understanding of myself, my God, and others who I encounter along my journey.