The most productive thing I think I've ever done to help me assess my leadership, myself, and my direction was to find a mentor. For years I have tried to find the right mentor - I've built ongoing relationships with people inside my corporate world, inside my churches, with other church leaders, etc. In each of these cases there was initial excitement which ultimately waned and those relationships are just people I know now. I don't think they are "bad" mentors and I don't think I am a "bad" mentee, but what I've learned is there has to be a fit.
In my case, I need someone who is not going to pat me on the back, but (in love) is going to ask me the tough questions. I also need someone with experiences, interests, strengths, and passions that are similar enough to mine so we can understand each other. I also need someone who does not need me - as weird as that sounds... my mentor has to be about speaking wisdom, insight, and truth into my life rather than needing me to fulfill one of his needs. I need someone who is able and willing to invest time into my development and growth. I need someone who makes me feel like I have what it takes while at the same time helping me smooth out the rough spots and clarify my vision.
After about 14 years of actively seeking this out, I truly believe I have found this person. We have been meeting together about every 6 weeks since January. In these past 9 months I have received tremendous insight into my leadership, potential, career, family, faith, etc, simply by having a mentor that knows what questions to ask and doesn't let me off the hook when I try to avoid answers. Based on the past 9 months and the impact he has had on my life, I stepped out and made a sort of crazy request of him. I asked him to provide me with a picture of him and to sign it for the Wall of Fame I am starting. The purpose is basically two-fold: a) To honor him as someone positively impacting my life and future, and b) To help me remember to pray that God would give him wisdom when we meet so that he can be used to help me live up to my full potential. I've heard years ago of someone else doing this, but really never had anyone to put on the wall. The wall is reserved for a very limited number of people - there are a ton of people who positively impact my life, but this is the Wall of Fame!
Until this mentor relationship, my Pastor is the only one who has a spot on the wall reserved for him - which is why I didn't start a "wall." I've had several pastors in the past, but the relationship I now have with my pastor goes far beyond someone telling me stories from the Bible. The respect I have for this man as both a visionary, leader, friend, boss, colleague, community advocate, and man of God far surpass anything I have ever experienced before. His willingness to pour into my life while believing in what I have been called to do and also while being willing to speak truth into my life has been tremendous.
At the end of the day, these two men are people I point to as role models. More than that, they make me want to be a better man. That is why they will be on my newly constructed "Wall of Fame."
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4 comments:
I'm curious if it's a physical or virtual wall. If physical, will it be a separate floating wall or will it be a permanent/fixed wall? Can other photos share the wall or are the "famed" segregated somehow? Honest, I'm just curious -- I think this is a cool idea and want to know more!
I'm also wondering if you envision any women joining the wall someday. I'm not trying to imply that you'd exclude women. From a sociological perspective, I'm just wondering if many men have female mentors. From pure numbers, men obviously are more prevalent than women as heads of business (and therefore mentor candidates). But does a man see a woman as a possible mentor, either as a business leader or from another category?
I will be putting the pictures on a wall above my dresser, so it will be a fixed wall. I may add other pictures, but it's hard to determine where to draw the line on stuff like that.... there are dozens, if not hundreds, of people who have (or are) positively impacted my life (including your husband). At this point, I'm saving this for those few (2) who are absolutely critical to my development as a leader and person.
I may very likely make copies and keep them in my folder and/or Bible. It's a cool idea to have, but a bit awkward to ask.
In regard to women, there are women who have positively impacted my life and would be included if I went to that next layer. Other than Tracy, its hard to imagine having the kind of 1-on-1 relationship with a woman that would lead to wall of fame potential. The level of intimacy needed for an effective mentoring relationship would probably cause an overstepping of a boundary in honoring my marriage. For many people this may not be an issue, but I have very tight boundaries on things such as this. Make sense?
That is awesome that you have found someone who is honest with you and has been willing to invest time to provide you with feedback. I think there is much wisdom in what you said about having only men as mentors...being in any kind of "deeper" relationship does require a level of intimacy and I would steer clear of that.
Keep up the good work.
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